Maybe I'm still not used to talking to people, because I can't seem to think of anything to say to anyone at all. Somehow everything feels like small talk. I feel irresponsible for not continuing conversations, text messages and face-to-face conversations alike, but I'm afraid of the awkwardness and always end up walking away from them. I feel guilty for steering the conversation to myself for a while cause I didn't know what to say today. I feel guilty

I just want to be able to talk to others again and not be stuck in my own world and be able to find words to say. I feel so cold I feel like being dependent on people all over again, at least I could feel a little in the past. I don't know who's important to me, I want to take back all those words "you're self centered you're self centered you're self centered". I don't know how to really love myself without being self centered at the same time. I don't now what being self centered means, does talking about yourself equate to being self centered? I really don't know I don't know.

My truest thoughts are still as convoluted. I don't understand WHY I don't write here anymore, why I don't share my thoughts with others anymore, why I'm keeping everything to myself these days I don't understand this part of myself. Why do I feel like communication is so tiring when I know what's painful is the absence of communication.